(Un)fortunate A-Levels: The Stress, The Horror and The Happy Ending.
Ah, A-Levels. Even after almost 10 years, I distinctly remember how challenging those times were. The pressure is immense: you feel like your whole future depends on your choices and exam results. You see your friends and peers seemingly doing better than you. You keep questioning yourself and challenging your limits while trying to navigate through life.
I found being at college quite difficult. I remember sometimes feeling like my teachers must be speaking some alien language as I was frankly struggling to grasp the subjects I chose to apply for Medicine.
Moreover, there were so many things to keep up with, I was feeling completely overwhelmed and lost - being smart was no longer enough. It felt like to succeed I had to be a superhuman, who studied all day and night, and saved the world on the weekends and during study breaks.
When I got to my second year, I started to push even harder - my grades have improved massively, I was finally feeling like I was catching up with everyone.
But then my peers and friends started getting interviews and offers. While I started receiving rejections. One after another - I saw the list of potential unis getting shorter and my dream fading away. When I got the last rejection for Medicine, I started to crack under the pressure.
‘I still have a place at King’s for Biomedicine, if I get AAB. I can still get there.’ - I tried to convince myself. QMUL also offered me an alternative place on the new BSc programme, Global Health (ABB). The programme I had never heard of and didn’t really feel like it was a good fit for me.
I pulled myself all the way through to the exams. I was on a roll. Until having tried to juggle my social life, not feeling too upset about rejections and being ‘superhuman’ got to me and I finally lost it.
Coming out of the room, I'd already known that I’d failed one of the Physics papers. I had a Chemistry exam straight after, so I had about an hour to pull myself together. I remember feeling so powerless and hopeless, I couldn’t even cry.
When the results came, I was absolutely crashed. I got a ‘U’ on that Physics Paper and, because of that dreadful exam, I missed 2 marks on the Chemistry paper, getting an overall B, and being left with ABBD overall. Which meant I'd lost my place at King’s. I felt like I had failed myself and genuinely just failed in life. ‘I’m never gonna be good enough nor worthy’, I thought.
As I could already feel my chance at becoming a Surgeon fading away, I agreed to go to the new BSc QMUL offered instead of Medicine.
And it turned out to be THE BEST decision of my life (even though I didn’t think that for the first half a year).
At QMUL I have not only gained amazing skills and a diverse background, but I’ve also had the most amazing professors, community and support network. It helped me build a strong foundation for my future and make amazing friends. Slowly, month after a month, A-level grades started to lose their importance.
It’s what you do with your time at uni and the chances you take which matters. And how much you let yourself enjoy it!
During my third year of BSc, I found my passion. To my surprise, it wasn’t at all about Medicine. I fell in love with Public Management. I was so passionate about figuring out how everything works that 6/7 universities I’ve applied to for MSc worldwide saw it too and offered me a place. One of them was LSE. I was the youngest one on the course.
Years later, my A-level grades don’t seem so scary anymore. Years later, I understood that being a surgeon isn’t the only way to help people thrive and flourish. Thanks to failing, I found my passion, pursued it and became one of the youngest managers in my company.
Now, at 28, I lead a Department which works with the government and businesses to secure funding and development opportunities for IT education and innovative R&D projects. With the help of my team, my university has opened 3 national research centres and secured funding for countless ambitious IT projects. And I love my job and my team so much it sometimes feels a bit unreal.
Had I not failed, I would never have even guessed I would one day be a good fit for LSE or for GR really. I would never have unlocked my unlimited potential nor the opportunities I had.
So to all of you out there struggling - just keep going and you’ll get there! Don’t be afraid to try different paths, stay open to life and it’s wonders and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Ask your amazing tutors for advice - whether on your exams, your choices or about life in general. Talk to your support network, your auntie or anyone and everyone. We’ve all been there and we know you’ll do wonderful in life!
With belief in your extraordinary potential,
Lana.
