Guide to Self-Confidence: Part 2

In the last post, we discussed what self-confidence is, and how it can manifest itself differently in every person. In the next two posts, we're going to explore the different ways we can improve our self-confidence and the confidence of those around us. But first, let's focus on ourselves.

1. Identify negative habits.
   This is probably the most difficult step, as we often don't realise what we're doing. Perhaps you're saying sorry when you've done nothing wrong, or saying your idea is dumb before you've even had a chance to share it. If you're struggling to find your negative habits, speak to someone you feel comfortable around and ask them for help. Remember that they're not criticising you as a person, they're just trying to help you feel better about yourself.

2. Stop those habits in their tracks!
   Ingrained habits are really hard to stop, but a good technique is to replace them with positive habits. If you're always apologising when you don't need to, try saying thank you instead. If you regularly put yourself or your ideas down, try finding a neutral or positive phrase to say instead, such as "I had this idea, what do you think?". If you find that you're always deflecting compliments, force yourself to say "thank you" instead, even if you don't believe them. This can be very difficult and it won't happen overnight, so don't give up if it takes several tries!

3. Avoid negative influences.
   Even if you're working really hard to improve your self-confidence, all that can go in an instant with one negative comment from someone else. If you regularly find that certain people or situations make you feel worse about yourself, try to avoid them or put yourself in different situations. Of course, this isn't always possible, such as with classmates or work colleagues. In those unavoidable situations, try and create a 'bubble' around you and remind yourself that just because they make you feel that way, it doesn't mean they're right. When that situation is over, make sure to praise yourself for making it through and looking after yourself in the process.

4. Remind yourself how great you are.
   This stage can often feel quite awkward, but it's one of the most important steps. Take some time to identify areas where you are lacking in confidence, and come up with some phrases that focus on the things you're good at or like about yourself. You can write them down on your phone, record them in a voice memo or write them on colourful cards, whatever works best for you. Set aside five or ten minutes each day to listen to, read or say these things to yourself, even if you really don't feel like it.

5. When you feel ready, set yourself a challenge.
   This could be anything from going for lunch on your own to striking up a conversation with someone you don't know. Whatever your goal, focus on it and stay alert for a time when you can give it a go. You might find that it takes several tries before you can do it, but it will be worth it in the end. Remember to praise yourself for trying, even if you don't succeed, as it takes a lot of bravery to step outside your comfort zone, even for a moment.

By following these steps, you will slowly start to see your self-confidence improve. Remember not to compare yourself with others, as everyone's journey is different, and they might be struggling with something that you don't even know about! Simply by making the effort to improve your self-confidence is a step in the right direction, so well done for making it this far! Next time, we'll look at how to support our friends and the things we can do to make them feel more confident in themselves.